I wish I did these 5 things after I had my baby
Most people prepare for life with a baby by having a baby shower and getting the requisite supplies and gear. You know what I’m talking about: the crib, the bassinet, the diapers, the car seat, the stroller, and the clothes, just to name a few…But what most people are not quite prepared for is how to cope with a crying baby, breastfeeding challenges, sleepless nights, exhaustion, and a very sore bottom (if you had a vaginal birth) or a very sore belly (if you had a Cesarean birth). These are the factors which can significantly impact your emotional and physical health. In another post, I discuss what you can do to help your lady bits. And in a recent post, I give tips on how to recover after a Cesarean birth. In this post, I’m going to focus on what you can do to make your life a little easier once your family returns home from the hospital or when the midwives take their leave after your home birth.
Looking back, I realize now that I was not in a good place after we came home from the hospital. I was exhausted from labour. I was stressed because I had breastfeeding issues. My breasts were sore, my bottom was sore (I had a second degree tear) and my husband and I were on our own because our families were far away. I remember going to the supermarket to get formula for the baby two days after I gave birth because I figured she was going to starve and I couldn’t walk so I had to ride one of the scooters that supermarkets had for folks with mobility issues. It was quite a vision, let me tell you! Luckily, my milk did come and the formula sat unopened.
In hindsight, I wish I had done the following things to prepare for my new life with baby because it would have made things so much easier.
First off, I wish I had arranged to see a lactation consultant as soon as I came home with the baby. I had breastfeeding issues postpartum which really stressed me out because at first, my milk wasn’t coming out and when it came out, it was so strong that the baby couldn’t drink from my breasts. In addition, the baby was latching the wrong way and my breasts were so sore from feeding the baby with a poor latch. I felt like my nipple was being cut every time the baby sucked it. I suffered through this for quite some time before we found a lactation consultant. She was a real life saver because she showed me a breastfeeding position that was comfortable for my whole body and allowed my baby to drink comfortably. She showed me how to help the baby latch in a way that was comfortable and effective.
Second, I wish my husband and I knew how to soothe a baby. We had no clue how to get our crying baby to calm down when we first brought her home. After a few weeks of trying different things, my husband and I discovered a book called “The Happiest Baby on the Block”. It showed us how to soothe our baby by using the 5 S’s (swaddling, side-stomach position, shushing, swinging, and sucking). I still remember my husband sitting on the yoga ball, bouncing with the baby swaddled while shushing in the baby’s ears. This put the baby in complete bliss and she was definitely a happier baby.
Third, I wish I had a plan on what to do to do with sleep deprivation. I slept very little during the first week after birth. Needless to say, the lack of sleep was depleting me so my husband and I had to come up with a way for me to get some sleep. We figured out that once I had fed the baby around 9 PM my husband would take care of her and put her to sleep until I woke up around midnight or 1 AM to take over. This way, at least I could get a few hours of solid sleep.
Finally, I wish I had more support with the baby and chores. While the baby was napping, I was either cleaning the house, grocery shopping, or cooking. I wish I had arranged for help in these areas, and rested instead. I realize that this is easier said than done but frankly, resting would have been much more useful than having a clean house. I wish I had arranged to have meals delivered for months after the baby came along. My husband and I had arranged to have meals prepared for only the first 2-3 weeks postpartum but we didn’t plan further than that because we thought life was going to be back to normal after a few weeks. How naive! I should have planned for months instead of weeks. Having friends and close relatives to help with meals, figuring out easy meals, having groceries or meal kits delivered…are all helpful options for new parents to save time while providing nutritious meals.
In hindsight, I wish I had met a postpartum doula because it would have solved many of my problems. I wish I had a postpartum doula who came to my house after I gave birth and helped me with lactation issues and light house work. This person would have shown me how to soothe and take care of the baby. This support would have allowed me more freedom to take a shower orhave a nap. If I had known about postpartum doulas back then, I think I would have saved up to have their help for at least a few months. For moms with families close by who can help them out, what a blessing! For myself and others like me, with families far away, it would have been a godsend to have a postpartum doula. I thought I could handle everything by myself, but in reality, I did so at a very expensive cost to my mental and physical health.
Even though my kids bring so much joy to me these days, I wish I had done things differently in their first years because my husband and I endured much more hardship than we had to. I wish I had been open to receiving help and had arranged for the appropriate assistance. My wish for you then, is that you’ll have excellent support postpartum so you can more readily enjoy your new life as a mom. It’s such a precious period of time and you deserve to receive the best care possible!
By Mia Dang, PT / a registered physiotherapist with extensive supplementary training in pelvic floor physiotherapy and perinatal care
