My personal experience with a birth doula

I can cite all sorts of statistics about the benefits of having a doula at birth but instead, I would like to tell you about my personal experience with one. However, if you are into statistics, I recommend you check out this website which does a fabulous job of explaining what doulas do and the evidence supporting the benefits of doulas at birth.

Before I went into labour with my first child, a friend had recommended a doula because she had such positive birthing experiences with hers. I had never heard of a doula before and I had very vague ideas of what a doula did. I knew they helped birthing moms with comfort but honestly, I couldn’t envision what they did. My husband and I considered this for a long time but in the end, we decided not to hire one because of the cost, and we thought our midwives would provide most of the support services that a doula did. We also thought we could figure things out from what we had learned in our prenatal classes.

However, my first birth experience did not turn out the way that I had hoped. I expected my midwife to assist me more with positioning, breathing and pain management but I felt like she spent most of the time simply monitoring the baby and me. The second midwife who was with her, was busy supervising her. I am not saying this was the midwife’s fault because she was new and she did what she was supposed to do, which was to ensure that the baby and I were safe. My husband tried his best to support me and even though I appreciated his effort, I think I was more annoyed with him. Frankly, my husband was just as inexperienced as I was and most of the material we had learned in prenatal class had been forgotten. Overall, my impression of my first birth experience was that it was an unsatisfying one. Even though I did not have any complication and both the baby and I were safe, I just felt like there was room for improvement. I wasn’t sure why I felt this way but in hindsight, I realize that I did not feel emotionally supported. This may sound kind of odd, because my husband was there and the midwives were there; however, I felt very vulnerable giving birth and I didn’t feel like I got the attentive nurturingthat I desperately craved.

For my second labour, my husband and I decided to hire a doula based on our first labour and delivery experience. We both felt that we could use more support this time. We interviewed a few doulas but ultimately we hired Michelle Hache at Birth Beginnings in Burlington. We couldn’t have been happier with our decision. Michelle was there to help me in my labour every step of the way. She coached me through every breath and gave me a shoulder to lean on – literally! My husband was busy entertaining our first child until I started to push (we had a home birth and my daughter went over to our neighbour’s house then). Our midwife was not there either because she came to check on me at the beginning of my labour and thought I wasn’t going to birth until much later. It was the doula who was there with me the whole time. I was so relaxed and even though the contractions were quite intense, I didn’t even have to make any extraneous effort to push because my body was doing all the work by itself. I remember the baby was coming out so fast and I still had my pants on and I was yelling to my husband to take them off. I seriously thought my baby was going to get stuck in my pants. Fortunately, the pants came off and the baby came out safely!

I really can’t say enough about the support that I received from my doula. She was reassuring and helpful without being smothering. My husband thought it was awesome having her because I wasn’t annoyed or yelling at him and he didn’t have to worry about me because I was in such good hands…lol…He is telling all his guy friends to get a doula now if they are expecting.

To me, having a doula is like having a sherpa carry your stuff for you when you’re climbing up Mount Everest. Yes, you can climb it alone or with a guide who points you in the right direction. You still have to climb it, but if there is somebody there who can carry your stuff for you, that would make your life a lot easier, wouldn’t it? That’s what having a doula at my birth felt like to me.

Overall, I want to say that if you can afford to get a doula then you should consider getting one. However, if you can’t afford one, there are doulas who are open to negotiating their fees or assisting you in exchange for a service that you can provide. I would also recommend interviewing a few doulas before you decide on one. Ultimately, you are going to be with this person at one of the most critical time of your life so you want to make sure that your personalities mesh. Ask her about her experience, her references and what she can do to support you. The support that you get from somebody who has birthing experience and who knows exactly how to be helpful and nurturing is just incredible. Whether you decide to have a doctor or a midwife, a hospital birth or a home birth, my strongest advice to you is: GET A DOULA!

By Mia Dang, PT / a registered physiotherapist with extensive supplementary training in pelvic floor physiotherapy and perinatal care