Let’s Talk About Sex After Baby 💛(Yes, That Kind of Sex)

If the thought of penetrative sex after having a baby makes you feel a little anxious — you’re not alone. Whether you had tearing, stitches, or even a C-section, it’s very common to feel unsure, nervous, or just… not ready.

And surprise! Even moms who’ve had Cesarean births can experience discomfort with sex — pregnancy alone changes a lot in the body.

So let’s break this down gently: when it’s safe, how to prepare, and what to do if sex doesn’t feel great once you try.

First Things First: It’s Normal to Not Want Sex Yet

If you’ve just had a baby and your libido is nowhere to be found — congratulations, you’re normal.

Between sleep deprivation, physical recovery, and being touched all day long by a tiny human, sex often falls very low on the priority list. If you’re breastfeeding, hormonal changes (hello, oxytocin) can also lower desire and cause vaginal dryness.

Honestly, it can feel like nature is saying, “Let’s not rush this.”
And that’s okay. This phase passes.

So… When Is It Safe to Have Sex After Baby?

Most doctors and midwives recommend waiting at least 6 weeks postpartum before vaginal penetrative sex.

Why?

• Vaginal tissues and stitches need 6–8 weeks to heal

• C-section incisions also need 6–8 weeks

• Your uterus needs time to heal

• Infection risk is higher in the first 6 weeks

However, for some people, even though the perineum and vaginal tissue may appear to be healed at 6-8 weeks superficially, the deep vaginal tissue may not be healed until 12 weeks!

If you’ve had a third- or fourth-degree tear, anal penetration should wait at least 6 months.

Bottom line: get the all-clear from your doctor or midwife first.

You’re Cleared… Now What?

Just because you’re medically healed doesn’t mean your body is emotionally or physically ready — and that’s important.

Before sex, try a little gentle self-exploration:

• Lightly touch the perineum (the area between the vagina and anus)

• Does it feel soft and relaxed, or tender and tight?

If touching feels uncomfortable, that’s information — not a failure. Some moms prefer having their partner help with this, which is totally okay too.

If gentle stretching feels pain-free, great. If not, keep reading.

Why Might Sex Feel Uncomfortable?

Pain or discomfort with penetration is very common postpartum. In fact, 40–50% of women experience pain with sex at 3 months postpartum.

Common reasons include:

🌸 Vaginal Dryness

Especially common with breastfeeding due to low estrogen. Use a generous amount of lubricant. Choose simple, body-safe options (no sparkles, tingles, or mystery ingredients). If dryness persists, talk to your doctor about topical estrogen.

✂️ Scar Tissue

Tears, episiotomies, and C-section scars can create restrictions that affect comfort with sex — yes, even C-section scars. Scar tissue can pull on the pelvic floor because everything is connected. A pelvic health physio can help mobilize scar tissue and teach you how to do this gently at home.

💪 Overactive (Tight) Pelvic Floor

Sometimes the pelvic floor tightens protectively — after birth, leaks, pain, or past trauma. This can make penetration uncomfortable. Pelvic health physios are trained to help relax and retrain these muscles (it’s not all about strengthening!).

🦴 Body Alignment Issues

Hip, back, pubic, or SI joint pain can affect pelvic floor tone and comfort during sex. Addressing these issues can make a big difference.

💭 Emotional Stress

Sex is not just physical — it’s emotional too. Stress, birth experiences, relationship changes, body image, exhaustion, and past trauma all affect how the nervous system responds. Sometimes tissue won’t fully relax until emotional layers are addressed — and that’s okay. Support from a therapist can be incredibly helpful.

The Most Important Part 💛

You should only have sex when you feel ready — not out of obligation, pressure, or guilt.

Sex should not hurt.
Sex should feel safe.
Sex should be pleasurable (eventually — there’s no rush).

And if it doesn’t feel right? Help is available. Pelvic health physios, doctors, and therapists work together to support you through this transition.

Your body has done something incredible.
It deserves patience, compassion, and care — in and out of the bedroom.

Mia Dang, PT, is a pelvic physiotherapist with extensive supplementary training in pelvic floor physiotherapy and perinatal care